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What Would The Doctor Do If The Sonic Screwdriver Was A Smartphone
By Doctor Who Online

Though we’ve just seen the Doctor build a new sonic from Sheffield steel, our Whovian nature allows us to imagine parallel worlds and pocket galaxies in which she didn’t. Scanner. Diagnostics. Tin Opener. A sonic Swiss Army Knife (without the knife, which only idiots carry, of course). All traits of an average smartphone, rebooted, reformatted, and made bigger on the inside to store the vastness of the universe.

(And then some.)

So, what would the Doctor do if the sonic was a smartphone?

Would she use Evernote to record knowledge that would make parasite gods blaze? Recipe apps to help her make her own jelly babies? Would she play online slot machines & games on Prime Slots instead? Download entire libraries and build herself the best, most powerful weaponry in the world?

Let’s discuss.

She Would Play Games, Definitely

Let’s never forget Amy Pond’s first encounter with the Tardis, where she tries to resist the temptation of revisiting everything that ever happened or ever will by insisting that she grew up. Unlocking the Tardis doors with a snap of his fingers, the 11th Doctor simply responds: don’t worry, I’ll soon fix that.

The Doctor may be a couple of hundred years older now, but she’s still the same old magnificent, nonsensical child. Besides, she’s still cooking. These first few days of regeneration must be the Time Lord’s equivalent of adolescence, right? If so, what else would a teenage Doctor do but play odd games?

She Would Test Her Time Lord Luck

Such a game would have to combine wits with luck, and have really high stakes too. Something insanely exciting and just a tiny but irresponsible, preferably. For the sake of the experiment, perhaps she would go straight to online roulette. Because trying new things is in the Doctor’s both hearts.

The Doctor playing online roulette on her smartphone may sound far-fetched, but what in the Whoniverse isn’t? It would be just like in The Rebels’ Gamble, only instead of the reader, the Doctor would roll the dice to determine her own Time Lord fate. Wouldn’t that be a thrilling adventure to meta dimension?

She Would Troll Trollers on Social Media

Now, here’s something more likely – the Doctor spending a lazy Sunday afternoon somewhere in 16th century England, twitting her thoughts on Shakespeare (in Shakespeare’s presence, of course) over a nice cup of tea. If her sonic was a smartphone, she’d certainly troll trollers from whenever she was.

The 12th regeneration frowned upon social media with his big scary Scottish brows, but we’re seeing a different Who now. It’s not hard to imagine this new version of Doctor hanging out with cool kids (and how cool are Ryan and Yasmin, everyone?) on Facebook, liking and sharing from another time.

She Would Probably Make the World a Better Place – Somehow

If the history of Doctor Who has taught us anything besides how important we are in the context of the universe, then it’s that we should always bring a banana to a party. Oh, and also, that it is our obligation, no matter how seemingly small and insignificant we are, to make the world a better place.

Our smartphones may not be as versatile and powerful as the sonic screwdriver, but they’re still good enough for contributing to the society. Ultimately, that’s what the Doctor would use her smartphone for – as a device designed not for opening wooden doors, but for sharing peace and having lots of fun.

As it always happens in the Whoniverse, the options are unlimited.

If the Doctor had a smartphone instead of the sonic, she would definitely add a warp drive and some wormhole refractors, but she would still use it to find the most important thing one needs for getting across the universe – a hand to hold. Not to mention, she would spend hours reminiscing with Rose.

And, could you imagine the size of that phonebook?

Or, since we’re talking about, the size of that bill?

A smartphone truly is much bigger on the inside, which cannot but make us wonder why Time Lords haven’t already invented their own. The universe may be vast and complicated and ridiculous, but it’s nothing that a good old text message couldn’t cross. Plus, it would definitely solve the Doctor’s empty pockets problem for all future regenerations. Hopefully, we will have at least a few lifetimes of them.

© Copyright Doctor Who Online, 2018.
Page Updated: 16/10/2018

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